I questioned God on everything I believed. Between the hormones coursing through my body and the actual heartache I was so incredibly sad. I tried to pick myself up after the initial shock but it was so hard. My husband loved her and my boys loved her. We went to the ten week appointment and there was no heartbeat. My husband told everyone he talked to that we were pregnant! I had so much joy it was contagious. We went to the first ultrasound appointment and everything looked great. Not to mention, we are in our forties and the odds for conceiving were against us just with our ages alone. We both had lost 80 pounds between us, which was super hard. I had laparoscopic surgery which ended with one of my fallopian tubes being removed. We had gone down such a long journey to get here. This baby was so perfect in our eyes and so loved in our hearts. I am a stepmom and we all wanted this new baby to add to our sweet family. You see, I got pregnant with my first baby in February of 2018. After reasoning with the Lord and saying, “this card doesn’t even say Merry Christmas,” He responded with, “This is the one because you are prophetically decreeing ‘Hallelujah’ to your circumstance.” So, I chose the Hallelujah design. I asked Jesus which card I should pick and when I scrolled past this particular design I heard the Lord whisper, “this is the one.” It said “Hallelujah” and that’s all it said. Back to the task at hand, which one would I pick? And, I could not decide because this year had been just so hard but also good in many ways. I, on the other hand, love sending out Christmas cards for so many reasons. He jokingly calls them a WOM (as in ‘waste of money’ – lol!) and he tries to eliminate them from the Christmas budget each year. I practically begged my husband for us to do Christmas cards. I could not pick a design and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to.
![i raise a hallelujah i raise a hallelujah](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/43/4a/2f/434a2f4059f059f34a13a6c673d0221d.png)
As I sat down to pick out my Christmas cards online this year I was stuck.